Things that remain unsaid

I'll admit it - I'm a Grinch. If I had my way I would rock out on Halloween, go to bed, and wake up at the end of March skipping the months (and their respective holidays) in between. I'd like to believe that there was a time when I was still naive that I enjoyed the holidays like a normal person, playing Christmas music while I strung lights up excited to spend time with friends and family. The reality is that I cannot remember the last time that was.

This time of year is all about couples, family, and loved ones. Well my family is broken and now no matter what I do I end up hurting the feelings of one parent when I choose to spend a holiday or my birthday with the other. So I spent the last two Thanksgivings in my apartment alone. As far as couples go the boy boycott is still going strong because there has yet to be a man to test my barricade's strength - no knight asking for Rapunzel to lower her hair to be saved. That leaves loved ones - all of whom have their own significant others and families to spend their precious free time with. That leaves Red on the outside, still waiting in line to be picked to play dodge ball.

The dawning of a new year causes people to reflect on the past twelve months and to make resolutions to better their health, their minds, and their lives over the next twelve. At this time last year I had one more best friend than I do now and while I know the moment that started the change I don't know how a spat turned into just never talking again. She would always tell me about how I needed to not shy away from confrontation and how she never let things fall apart with a friend, that she talked things out. Which is why I never waved the white flag to try and right things... because if she could just walk away from me after being in the wrong then I must not have been as big a part of her life as I thought.

But does that make me in the wrong because I also chose to let the friendship slip between my fingers after all that we had shared together solely because of my wounded pride over being ditched when I was emotionally in need? Or is it just too late now to go back... or move forward together? Who knows, perhaps I don't ever cross her mind and she isn't sitting at home wondering why I don't call her; perhaps she's moved on and forgotten about me. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants my life is not.

I feel like everything has just changed so much in the past twelve months that I'm dizzy from how fast the room keeps spinning. Everything has changed since last November - nothing is the same nor will it ever be the same again. I miss my friends, all I do is work and go home while they are off living. I haven't had a camera worthy night in forever.

So here's to hoping that 2009 will be overflowing with memorable moments and filled with laughter and love... and a reason to lift the boy boycott.