So I'm 6 months in to my "no boys allowed" resolution. The only action I've had are innocent hugs hello/goodbye from my guy friends. While a dry spell is nothing new to me, (my longest being two years), this one is self imposed and that makes it all the more difficult to endure.
It could be all talk, but there are three guys who have been suggesting shenanigans with them. So far I've successfully deflected the question but it does make me wonder why. I'm a red-blooded American woman who enjoys sex and the feeling of a man's hands on my body - feelings that certain solo recreations cannot recreate in any tangible sense. So why not give in to the desire and jump into bed with one of them? The rub, and thus the hesitation, comes from the fact that I cannot help feel that I no longer have a toe over the line, that now it's a foot planted solidly on the wrong side of 'ladylike' - and that's something I am not comfortable with.
But 6 months is a long ass time to go without... anything, and my resolve is beginning to break down. So now I'm stuck in an inner battle that doesn't seem to have a 'right' and a 'wrong' side.
Part of the dilemma is easy to solve, after an entire summer of being as invisible as a ghost, Benedick suggested we meet up - and seems to forget that the last time we were at this crossroad he was the one saying he didn't want a friends with benefits situation. I know that I can't go down that road again solely because if I do I clearly have no self respect. I'm not a high maintenance girl but I'm also not a blow up doll you can stuff in a closet and forget about for months. In this day and age of massive technology overload there is no excuse for him not to keep even irregular contact with me between April when he last saw me, and September. I may not know a ton about boys but I am pretty sure that if a girl is on a guy's mind, even in the slightest capacity, he'll get in touch with her. And if I'm not on his mind until he needs to get his kicks, he's (to borrow the catch phrase that spawned a book and soon a movie) just not that in to me; and a guy who can stop thinking about me is a guy who doesn't deserve to see me naked... period.
Bachelor #2 comes across as a little cold on some levels, a player, but deep down he's a good guy - and in the moments that mattered since I've known him he's shown that he's got a good heart. He's been talking up his game for much longer than any guys should be strung along but I've never been able to decide what I think about him. I'm attracted to him but I feel like we didn't jump into bed soon enough, that it would only be awkward at this point. And I'll admit it, it feeds my ego to know that he and I have never done anything more than flirt and hug yet he's still, after way too long, showing interest. The longer my break from guys goes the more I think that perhaps I should let him step up to the plate. The catch is all it would be is another friends with benefits situation and while that's better than nothing and it would solve certain frustrations I have, it's not what I want.
Bachelor #3 is... hot. He's hot, he makes me hot, the chemistry (the weeks of flirting and especially the two occasions we got naked) between us was hot. Mr. Tight-end (and his body was tight) is a guy that is out of my league and even now it blows my mind that he wanted anything to do with me. But as with all too good to be true situations, Mr. Tight-end was/is a juggler who has a main ball but keeps more than one in the air with ease. Hearing him tell me I'm a good kisser, talk about the time we shared, to hear him suggest we have a little reunion, does more for my ego than I care to admit. He is the one man who literally made my knees weak with a kiss and that's a feeling I haven't had repeated. I've been flirting with him again lately, more for a personal ego boost than anything else. We've talked about having some fun but I can't tell if there's any seriousness behind the talk. Today he blatantly asked me if I wanted him and then told me to let him know if I decided I wanted to hook up again. Y'all know he still has a girlfriend, I know he's not a single man, yet on chemistry alone I'm toying with the idea. But like with Benedick I know that I am better than being the other woman who knowingly sleeps with a taken man... no matter how good we are together when clothes come off.
Yet it all boils down to the fact that if I so chose, I could be having sex. Isn't half the plight of a single girl the fact that she can't have some adult fun with an attractive man when she needs to without going down the sketchy road of going home with a stranger she met at a bar? Here's 3 guys I've known for years, aren't these roads better to travel than another unknown one? It's only a matter of time before the offers are off of the table and I'm trying like hell to talk myself out of taking any of them up on their offers while I can.
I can't help but hope that if I hold off, and don't embark on another friendly hookup, that I'll actually meet someone who wants to claim me as their own for mind, body, and soul. The dream doesn't make the dry spells any easier to survive though.
Then again, who knows if the bachelors are all talk and no action. This could all just be an allusion of sexual offers that none of them ever plan on following through with.
In the end, what's a single gal to do?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment