At Another Crossroad

I'm a little ashamed to admit that after spending a summer with the potential boy, that I'm completely and utterly falling for him. I can't stop thinking about him, I can't stop talking about him, and I miss him like crazy even though we talk every day.

It just feels so... right. But I don't know if it feels right because it actually is right or if it feels right only because I have nothing else to compare it to. Maybe this is the norm, nothing special, what every other beginning of a relationship feels like no matter what the outcome. Or maybe it is more, the potential boy is the first guy I have had feelings for that I can picture sharing my life with. And I mean forever life - taking his last name, buying a house, having kids, growing old together. We talk about it all the time and it blows my mind how comfortable HE is about having those talks and sharing in the daydream of playing "what if".

Right now all I can think of is wanting to move in with him, for us to get a place of our own. Me, who has never had a roommate, who has worked thousands of extra hours and fought tooth and nail to keep my apartment, my little piece of sanity. And the thing is I know it's a bad idea this early on because while he's laid back now he hasn't completely seen me at my worst and I know that there are many aspects to living with someone, especially your boyfriend that I'm not ready to face or handle right now.

But that's where my head is at, I want to be able to fall asleep next to him every night and not just on the weekends. I'm beginning to think that Fate had a plan for me in making me wait so long to finally find a guy who wanted to claim me and not play head games and be non-committal. That I had to go lonely for so many years so that I could truly appreciate being happy when the time came.

And I am, I am the happiest I have been in.... forever.