So I have a re-occurring fantasy/dream that has been happening on a greater frequency lately. The faces change but the plot is always the same. I meet up with or run in to a guy who I went to school with who was one of the less popular members of the student body. And they were more than just unpopular, they were the misunderstood "geek", who survived high school by being close to invisible.
But time has been good to them, while still a geek they have grown in to the hot geek who now lives a fun life, has a great job, and is no longer invisible. Since it's my dream, we of course hit it off and have a happily ever after fitting for any fairy tale ending.
I know that part of this dream is because I was one of those semi-invisible people in school, the awkward gal who got shy around guys and who had yet to grow in to their body. I'd like to believe that I've come in to my own and am now an attractive, intelligent woman. As for the male aspect to my dream I'm left wondering if it's my subconscious yelling at me about the guys I didn't give the time of day to when I was younger and how I blew my chance.
It's the ultimate story... The Ugly Duckling. A person who feels on the outside when they are young, knowing deep down that they are not like everyone else but are at a loss about how to change that. As they grow they come to realize that they AREN'T like everyone else - but that that's a great thing. The ugly duckling grows up to be a gorgeous swan - it's what every duckling hopes for in the end. Not necessarily to become model gorgeous, but that given time they will find their niche in the world.
Perhaps it's time for me to start getting in touch with those boys from school and see if they've come in to their own. Perhaps it's not about finding my prince charming, but rather, that I need to find my ugly duckling.
After all, in the end looks wither away but if one is lucky, the mind stays strong and vibrant. I'd rather have someone with an "attractive" mind than the model body.
29 August 2008
17 August 2008
Another Chapter in a Luckless Dating Diary
After my last encounter with Benedick, I decided that it would be best to start a few Spring resolutions to stick to.
1. No repeats... those who have seen me naked in the past will just have to rely on their memories from now on because I will not be going down the same road twice.
2. No sex... period. Like any bad habit that needs breaking a certain level of dedication is required. I haven't been with a decent guy in.... ever. Sorry boys, but it's true - none of you cared about me any further than the need to get in my pants. Which is rude, but truth be told... I wasn't really that in to any of you either. So until I can change my fishing skills I'll be throwing back the scrawny fish biding my time until I reel in the perfect catch.
3. Coming to terms with the fact that it's OK to be picky. There's a reason why people are selective and as long as it's all within reason, being picky is nothing other than a good thing. I've been ragged on by friends before over the fact that I rule out guys who are shorter than 5'8", saying that I am being too selective and am passing up the right guy for me. But how is that a bad thing? Because I'm only 5' means that I was dealt the short guy card? I think not. I'm an independent woman but at the end of the day I want a guy who I can feel safe with and a guy close to my height just doesn't do that for me. Besides in the long term picture I want kids so one side of the gene pool better have some height so I don't have any midget kids.
4. Taking an off season from dating. While I wouldn't pass up a date with a guy I could be interested in I am not going to search high and low for said guy. If it happens, it happens but I'm done painstakingly picking out the perfect outfit every time I'm in public just in case there are cute guys around.
So far, so good. Though I'll be honest and say that I haven't had any opportunities to truly test the strength of my resolutions either. That being said, I still do, and always will, flirt. This is where Mime comes in - nicknamed such because he is all smiles and stares but is silent.
It all started out well enough, we noticed each other, he'd ogle and smile but would hardly say anything to me. As time progressed it became more frustrating that nothing was happening yet Mime always seemed happy to see me cracking a huge grin and not bothering to hide the fact that he kept looking at me. The few short conversations we had he didn't seem nervous so I couldn't chalk up the lack of behavior to him being shy.
Yet my gut told me that he, if not interested in a relationship, was at least attracted to me. Ask any woman what they think about a guy's intentions when they find a woman attractive and they'll all answer: "to get in her pants". And here Mime was seeming to be interested in me and not trying to get into my pants. Every encounter left me further confused... and questioning the intelligence of my gut instinct.
Aside from actually throwing myself on to him (and I mean that in the very literal sense) I did everything I thought that would flash the green light. I made sure to always look good when seeing him, I'd be all flirty smiles, I'd make sure to separate myself from others to provide him the opportunities to approach. Still, nothing other than smiles and ogling.
After 3 months Mime finally dropped a compliment, saying that I looked good coupling that with asking if I had a date later in the evening. Shocking! Yet that's all that ever happened. But I saw it as progress and figured I'd capitalize on it. After conferring with a few guy friends of mine to make sure my actions wouldn't be crossing the line of "confident flirt" into the realm of "crazy chick", I friended Mime online and dropped a very casual and breezy drink invite. Friend request was accepted, message was read, and..... that's it. Ok fine, perhaps in guy land my message wasn't viewed as needing a response other than in person.
I saw Mime the other night for the first time since I sent the message. I got the same big smile greeting. But no mention of my message. I then learned that it would be the last time I would see him as he was leaving NH on Monday. Too bad, but it happens. He was distracted, he barely talked to me. In the situation I totally understood. At the end of the night I very obviously lingered around waiting to say goodbye to Mime. It took awhile and he motioned to walk totally by me without saying anything. Again, how rude! I spoke up, said goodbye, wished him luck, and initiated the hug. The final words spoken by Mime? Telling me that if I found myself in the city he's in next to hit him up online. And then he left with nothing other than a smile.
So what gives? I make it easy for him, I lay the groundwork, all he has to do is say yes and show up... and yet... nothing happened. I'd rather think that he was completely and utterly intimidated by my beauty and charm than that I was totally off the mark in thinking that he was attracted to me.
In the end I guess I'll never know... and that is the most frustrating part of all.
1. No repeats... those who have seen me naked in the past will just have to rely on their memories from now on because I will not be going down the same road twice.
2. No sex... period. Like any bad habit that needs breaking a certain level of dedication is required. I haven't been with a decent guy in.... ever. Sorry boys, but it's true - none of you cared about me any further than the need to get in my pants. Which is rude, but truth be told... I wasn't really that in to any of you either. So until I can change my fishing skills I'll be throwing back the scrawny fish biding my time until I reel in the perfect catch.
3. Coming to terms with the fact that it's OK to be picky. There's a reason why people are selective and as long as it's all within reason, being picky is nothing other than a good thing. I've been ragged on by friends before over the fact that I rule out guys who are shorter than 5'8", saying that I am being too selective and am passing up the right guy for me. But how is that a bad thing? Because I'm only 5' means that I was dealt the short guy card? I think not. I'm an independent woman but at the end of the day I want a guy who I can feel safe with and a guy close to my height just doesn't do that for me. Besides in the long term picture I want kids so one side of the gene pool better have some height so I don't have any midget kids.
4. Taking an off season from dating. While I wouldn't pass up a date with a guy I could be interested in I am not going to search high and low for said guy. If it happens, it happens but I'm done painstakingly picking out the perfect outfit every time I'm in public just in case there are cute guys around.
So far, so good. Though I'll be honest and say that I haven't had any opportunities to truly test the strength of my resolutions either. That being said, I still do, and always will, flirt. This is where Mime comes in - nicknamed such because he is all smiles and stares but is silent.
It all started out well enough, we noticed each other, he'd ogle and smile but would hardly say anything to me. As time progressed it became more frustrating that nothing was happening yet Mime always seemed happy to see me cracking a huge grin and not bothering to hide the fact that he kept looking at me. The few short conversations we had he didn't seem nervous so I couldn't chalk up the lack of behavior to him being shy.
Yet my gut told me that he, if not interested in a relationship, was at least attracted to me. Ask any woman what they think about a guy's intentions when they find a woman attractive and they'll all answer: "to get in her pants". And here Mime was seeming to be interested in me and not trying to get into my pants. Every encounter left me further confused... and questioning the intelligence of my gut instinct.
Aside from actually throwing myself on to him (and I mean that in the very literal sense) I did everything I thought that would flash the green light. I made sure to always look good when seeing him, I'd be all flirty smiles, I'd make sure to separate myself from others to provide him the opportunities to approach. Still, nothing other than smiles and ogling.
After 3 months Mime finally dropped a compliment, saying that I looked good coupling that with asking if I had a date later in the evening. Shocking! Yet that's all that ever happened. But I saw it as progress and figured I'd capitalize on it. After conferring with a few guy friends of mine to make sure my actions wouldn't be crossing the line of "confident flirt" into the realm of "crazy chick", I friended Mime online and dropped a very casual and breezy drink invite. Friend request was accepted, message was read, and..... that's it. Ok fine, perhaps in guy land my message wasn't viewed as needing a response other than in person.
I saw Mime the other night for the first time since I sent the message. I got the same big smile greeting. But no mention of my message. I then learned that it would be the last time I would see him as he was leaving NH on Monday. Too bad, but it happens. He was distracted, he barely talked to me. In the situation I totally understood. At the end of the night I very obviously lingered around waiting to say goodbye to Mime. It took awhile and he motioned to walk totally by me without saying anything. Again, how rude! I spoke up, said goodbye, wished him luck, and initiated the hug. The final words spoken by Mime? Telling me that if I found myself in the city he's in next to hit him up online. And then he left with nothing other than a smile.
So what gives? I make it easy for him, I lay the groundwork, all he has to do is say yes and show up... and yet... nothing happened. I'd rather think that he was completely and utterly intimidated by my beauty and charm than that I was totally off the mark in thinking that he was attracted to me.
In the end I guess I'll never know... and that is the most frustrating part of all.
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