I Come With a Warning Label

As people get older they run the risk of carrying more baggage... it's the risk we have to take when living life to its fullest. Baggage isn't always a bad thing, it makes you who you are in the present. It makes you wiser if a little more hesitant to put yourself out there again. Everyone has their quirks they've developed because of the baggage they carry.

A lot of times in the dating world baggage kills a relationship before it even has a chance to start. Perhaps one person is too pushy to spend the night when the other needs a little more time to get there but genuinely wants to reach that point. If this isn't made clear the person doing the pushing could walk away with a shake of their head when everything would have fallen in to place given time. Wouldn't it be easier if we all came with warning labels? It's ok to be a little gun shy after being burnt, and if the other person knows this it could clear up any mixed signals that would come along.

Warning: future crazy cat lady... help!

Warning: will lose interest as soon as I sleep with you.

Warning: I'm so scared of commitment that I will tell you I don't want to get serious when it's all I can think about.

Warning: I live at home in my parent's basement.

Whatever the warning, how much simpler would things be if we knew these at the start?

Goldberg came over last night and out of left field asked me what I'm looking for. I told him I want a relationship, he told me that he's recently out of a serious relationship and the wounds are still fresh, that he's not looking for anything serious right now. But that he enjoys hanging out with me, he just wanted to be up front and honest. Honesty, wow that's a first. I reminded him that we've only known each other for a week so there's still plenty of getting to know you time needing to happen before we even get to that crossroad. He surprised me, usually I'm agonizing over needing definition but scared to ask. I hadn't even started to think about that with him as I'm just getting to know him. Yet as much fun as Goldberg is, he's not the type of guy I can see myself getting serious with. Goldberg flashed his warning label and now we're on the same page so it's all good.

Ah but it always comes back to Benedick doesn't it? Things have taken an interesting turn that I'm not exactly sure how it will play out. He's a boy with some warning labels he's keeping in a closed hand so I am left confused in the dark. It would be a whole lot easier if he showed me some of his cards so I knew what type of hand he was playing.

In the end time reveals most things, sadly along with time comes frustration. And I'm getting frustrated.

On a totally different note if y'all haven't heard of Chris O'Brien you need to check him out. "Ocean Stone" is brilliant and I can't wait until the CD arrives so I can listen to it in its entirety.

Another obsession of mine is Alanis Morissette's song "Forgive Me Love" it's so beautifully painful and simple. It gives me chills.

I went to your house,
Walked up the stairs,
I opened your door without ringing the bell,
I walked down the hall,
Into your room,
Where I could smell you.
And I.
Shouldn't be here,
Without permission.
Shouldn't be here.

Would you forgive me love?
If I danced in your shower?
Would you forgive me love?
If I laid in your bed?
Would you forgive me love?
If I stay all afternoon.

I took off my clothes,
Put on your robe,
Went through your drawers, And I found your cologne.
Went down to the den,
Found your CD's,
And I played your Joni,
And I.
Shouldn't stay long.
You might be home soon,
I Shouldn't stay long.

Would you forgive me love?
If I danced in your shower?
Would you forgive me love?
If I laid in your bed?
Would you forgive me love?
If I stay all afternoon.

I burned your incense,
I ran a bath,
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk.
It said hello love.
I love you so love.
Meet me at midnight,
And no.
It wasn't my writing.
I better go soon.
It wasn't my writing.

So forgive me love.
If I cry in your shower.
So forgive me love.
For the salt in your bed.
So forgive me love.
If I cry all afternoon.

Resolutions Made... Resolutions Broken

The dawning of a new year brings about a feeling in most people that changing that four digit number at the end of the date is an opportunity to become a better version of you. A new year is the chance to turn over a new leaf - stop a bad habit, lose some weight, spend more time with friends and family, etc. People make countless resolutions that are forgotten a week in to January with the notion that at least you tried, maybe next year you'll do better.

Maybe next year... a cop out reasoning to failure. In the end that's what a broken resolution is - failure, by not kicking the habit/the bad boyfriend/those few extra pounds you are selling yourself short. So my resolution this year is to no longer sell myself short. I have always been a giver, I give 200% of myself to everyone in my life and rarely save anything for myself. I deserve to only have friends who care about me and who are not completely and utterly selfish and self-centered. To those who use and abuse me, see ya! I also deserve to not be taken advantage of by my family - this is a harder battle but I am working on it.

I'd be lying if I said that I was holding firm to this resolution when it comes to guys though. If something is said to be over before it has even begun, if it has an expiration date on it, then shouldn't I put the nail in the coffin and officially end it? I should, but I can't for various reasons. I know I am not being fair to myself, I want a guy who can't keep his hands off of me, a guy who won't let too many days go before he sees me again. Yet I'm young and I should allow myself to enjoy the moment. And the moment is good if I keep the "what does this mean!" voices quiet.

Besides, I have a potential new distraction. And Goldberg is doing just that, he's touching base with me after a few days, he's asking to grab a drink. It looks like he wants to see more of me even if I don't know in what capacity. And while Benedick is far more appropriate of a match for me as boyfriend material, there's something about Goldberg that makes me grin.

Perhaps then I should make a new resolution - to enjoy the moment and to stop over thinking everything. Easier said than done but I'm going to give it my best shot. 'Cause honey, I'm single and fabulous and I should be enjoying the moment regardless of the end result.